I was at a 5-star hotel the other day for a ceremony and during snack time, a colleague of mine asked me what ingredient made the dumpling she was eating so yummy, as she was comparing it to the ones you buy or make at home. I tasted the dumpling (knowing something about cooking) and said, “Just sesame seed oil.”

She couldn’t believe it, and then I explained how it was just the ambiance of the place that dictated to her that it was magically more delicious than the regular ones.

You see, it actually doesn’t matter how delicious a food actually is, as the taste is 90% dictated by the presentation and the ambiance.With that said, most of life situations are actually similar to that dumpling, we are faced with situations and met by people everyday, and even before we get to meet them, we already have a sort-of pre-conceived notion of how things work out.

For example, if you are going out for a blind date, and you get to be taken at a classy restaurant, where the ambiance is relaxing, and the person’s character you are meeting with was built-up by someone you trust, around 90% of how the date would turn out, you have already decided upon even before the date takes place. At the end of the date, you get to say how nice your date went.

Thinking about the above premise, I started to recall about a time when I was undergoing further training a few years back. I was at a certain rotation, which was endorsed by previous trainees as being hard and hectic. For the first few days, I would wake up and tell myself, today is going to be a long bad day, and true as it may, it was indeed a bad day.

That waking up routine continued for a few days until a friend of mine asked about how I was doing. I said, “Everyday is a bad day”, and told him about what happens each day. He just listened and then after I finished, he said, “Listen, Brian, it becomes a bad day because you say that it is a bad day.” He then asked me to try to do the opposite, and for the sake of friendship, I tried… I started saying, “Today is going to be a great day!”, which I said in a very enthusiastic manner, with full ardor and zeal. Guess what, it did become a great day.

Many things in life happen as they do because we decide at how everything turns out, even before starting. A lot of married men keep saying, “When will my marriage improve, it is always like this everyday, arguing and fighting.”, and soon their marriage ends. Some students start their day saying, “Am never gonna pass this exam, it’s always so hard.”, and again, they do fail.

I know there are some things that are beyond our control, but the truth is, even for the things which seem to be beyond our control, we can always control how we would react. If someone close to us dies, after the mourning, it is up to us whether we move on or to remain and wallow in depression. If we lose a very important item or property, after exhaustive searching, it is up to us to just try to think of how to get another one in the future or to bask in idle thinking of how it got lost or where it could be.

Life is not about just waking up everyday, studying or working, and then sleeping at night, because if that continues to be the case, then we grow tired and get burnt out. Then when we grow old and weary, we feel that we have just wasted our lives. Life is also not just about striving to be the most intelligent, the richest, or the most powerful. It is about being able to solve the problems that are set in front of us, and then learning the lesson, and forgetting the painful memories.

Someone told me that we are all angels, we all have invisible wings, we can all fly, but the only reason why we can’t is because of the heaviness in our hearts. Learning to let go and knowing when to move on makes us light, and we can start flying again.

Maybe you are at school, or work or on a vacation, wherever you may be, if you want to try a simple experiment, think of someone that you will meet in a few hours that you are not 100% raving about. It can be a person you don’t like, a relative that you are trying to disown, or a parent or a child.

For example, if you thought of your spouse that you are not currently in the best of terms, try to see if you can repeat the phrase, “I am very lucky to have a great husband / wife, he / she makes my life worth living.” Of, if it is your boss or teacher which you don’t like, try this, “I am happy that he / she is my boss / teacher, if life wasn’t as good, I might have had Hitler or Stalin as a boss / teacher.”

Try to reverse the way you think of someone. It might end an old argument or a long line of war between you and another person. And it might eventually save your life from being too consumed about seeking revenge for someone. If our experiment works for you, try to smile and you will feel you heart being less heavy, and if someone asks why you are smiling, just tell them, “Brian dashed a few drops of sesame seed oil in my life.” And just let them guessing.

Add a little bit of sesame seed oil in everything and let the magic roll in.